OHNO and Fatone-Cooper Scale January 20 2013
 
   One of the topics that has come up on several occasions with the SnarkAlecs is what is "The Best Death Ever" in a movie?
I thought we would never be able to agree on how to define what constitutes a great death, until last nights premiere of the  SyFy original movie Tasmanian Devils. The "Supplest" SnarkAlec, Lisa Marie Bowman @LisaMarieBowman  Lisas Blog suggested we create an "OHNO" Scale to
rate deaths in these movies. With the help of Dawn @momofnandn and Kelly @kellythul and input from the rest of the crew, the "Ohno Death Scale" and "Fatone-Cooper" scales were born.
Keep in mind these scales all refer to deaths in "SyFy Original" movies and not horror or Sci-Fi movies in general.
(Final Destination and Saw films among others are well known for the interesting ways of killing people)

Here is the Scale:

Ohno Scale
The usual suspects ("Snarkalecs") were in play for this Saturday's live tweeting of one of SyFy's B-movies... Tasmanian Devils.  It was a good night.  People were on their game and we had the bonus of the director (@zachlipovsky) and the heroine (@danicamckellar aka Winnie Cooper) engaging with us as we do what we do.

Anyway, Tasmanian Devils featured Apolo Ohno.  Briefly.

Within the first 5 minutes or so, Apolo jumped off a cliff, fell quite a distance, and was impaled by a stalagmite.  Shortly thereafter he was removed.  Not pulled up and off, but rather removed more... ummm... laterally.  The fact that his character was named "Stone" was a nice touch.

As you might imagine, this was quite the death scene.  It was so good that @LisaMarieBowman indicated it would be the bar to judge all future exits - coining the term "Ohnotastic".  @SnarkySeal then suggested a greater formalization of the Ohno metric.  Sadly, @SnarkySeal's "mathy parts" were impaired due to some sort of chocolate wine overload, so I decided to take a shot.

So I am offering the following proposed method.  Fellow Snarkalecs, please review and offer improvements, redirection, whatever in the comment section for this post.

Ohnotasic Scoring

    Since Apolo's death was a perfect 10, it serves as the highest possible score and is base lined at 10 Ohnos
    A death that approaches its greatness might score something like 9.3 Ohnos
    You can't score higher than 10 Ohnos
    Negative Ohnos are allowed 

An optional additional metric is available for celebrity departures in these movies.  Yes, I know Apolo is kind of a celebrity, just deal with it.  The celebrity scale is based on Fatones (in honor of Joey's exit from Jersey Shore Shark Attack)

Fatone Celebrity Scoring

    Fatones also use 10 as the highest possible score... 10 Fatones
    10 Fatones are slightly less than 10 Ohnos.  Apolo really went more to 11 figuratively, literally, you have to stick with 10 though
    A death can be scored using both if you are an overachiever
    D list celebrities and below are allowed to be scored with Fatones

Editors note:  I REALLY wanted to use "Coopers" (based on Alice Cooper getting drop kicked by Bigfoot) as the celebrity metric, but @TonySolo (rightfully) indicated the Fatone exit was more popular.  This speaks poorly of us as a society, but I am not bitter.

Actually, I am bitter.

I mean I could have used a distance component related to how far Alice flew. like: "WOW, that was easily 120 Cooper-feet"), but nooooo.  Everyone loves Fatone.  Whatever.

Comment away gang.

P.S. I pondered offering up a Danica metric, but I self-editted.